Friends and Family
“We do not need to be perfect.
We need to be the parent who is patient with all including ourselves.”
A challenge in having one of your children go through life saving brain cancer treatments is that you still are the parent to your other children. Parenting is a tremendous challenge given the best of circumstances. A family fighting cancer poises quite a few challenges.
Every day as a parent we learn things about ourselves and our children. We continue to grow as we help our young ones mature. I am forever grateful that children are resilient and forgiving.
The following blog post was just after a successful trip to Pittsburgh Children’s hospital:
August 5, 2015—Build a bear
In the midst of all the changes and challenges, I cannot forget that he is a nine-year-old boy with an older sister and younger brother. This summer is one that none of them will ever forget. It was not what they were expecting or hoping for, but they continue to bond and build memories.
One of Josiah’s classmates, Ethan, gave all three of the kids gift certificates to Build A Bear. We were looking forward to going all week and went off to Potomac Mills on Saturday. After eating a nutritious meal at Costco (ha) we walked over to the store.
The three soaked up the possibilities: My Little Pony, Minions, Avengers, Star Wars and the myriad of “normal” choices. Their eyes were wide pondering their future snuggling partners. It wasn’t long before Josiah picked out his favorite, within the spending parameters, and was ready to go. (Boy do I love him!) But the other two were going to take some time feeling through the prospects. Seconds turned into minutes, which felt like hours as they considered the advantages and disadvantages of each cuddly stuffed animal.
Josiah was more than patient. He walked around with Becket to help him sort out the perfect new friend. “What about Thor? What about Hulk?” They were all fun choices that Josiah met with a smile. “Oh, but the Minions?” They didn’t have all the accessories so they wouldn’t cost as much… I can’t begin to go through the conversations.
But Josiah was patient. He was gentle. I was frustrated. He showed me the way. With a smile and many kind reminders of the cost boundaries, Ella and Becket chose wisely. We had them filled. They made their wishes on the hearts (I prayed my prayers). And we took our picture. Becket is still looking at Josiah happily. Becket knows he made a good choice. His big brother, whom he loves dearly, told him so.
On the way home, the stuffed animals were becoming well acquainted with their new friends in the car. When we got to the house, I had my hands full so I went ahead of the kids to unlock the back door. With one foot in the door I heard Josiah come crashing down on the deck. Ella was trying to help him up but he was crying and waving her off.
“It’s my fault! It’s my fault!” she said frantically with her hands covering her cheeks. I picked Josiah up, embraced my little big man, and told them both it was going to be OK. She took off into the house and I asked Josiah what happened.
“She offered to help me up the stairs but I didn’t let her,” he said between fits of tears. I placed his face gently in my hands and said, “Josiah I love you. Your sister loves you too. I know it’s hard to get help from your big sister sometimes… but you’re going to have to.” He slowly nodded his head, “I know”.
“You shouldn’t need her help getting up these stairs. You shouldn’t need anyone’s help walking around. But now you do. It’s not your fault. We need you to let us continue to help.” He nodded. I reminded him of how much I loved him and was proud of him and we prayed for him and his sister. I prayed against the nasty tumor. Then I hugged my boy and told him to ask his sister to forgive him.
We walked hand in hand inside. He went right up stairs to talk to his big sis. Just a little later, she came downstairs with a little smile and helped me clean the kitchen. Such a sweet, beautiful heart. All was well again.
I thank God for my three little ones. He is molding each of them day by day. Please continue to pray for them as they are fashioned by this fire to love each other and love the One who gave them life and each other.
As I reflect back to this memory, it is important to remember the struggles as well as the triumphs. Celebrate the victories. Success is sweet but we grow most from our failures.
No one always wins. We trip. We fall. We blame others. But winners learn from their losses.
Be the parent who is present, ready to listen, willing to hug, and aware of our limitations and the struggles of our loves. We do not need to be perfect. We need to be the parent who is patient with all including ourselves. There is a lot that our children are teaching us if we only have eyes to see and ears to hear.
“Be wise, my son, and make my heart glad, that I may answer him who reproaches me.”
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