The Weight
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not into your own understanding; acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will make your paths straight. ”
In the fall of 2015, we got connected with an organization called Angel Flight Mid-Atlantic. They are a group of pilots with big hearts and private planes who are vetted to be a messenger (angel) of blessing. Instead of driving at least 4 hours one way on one of the worst and dangerous highways in America, we got to fly to Pittsburgh.
There was no way of knowing how Josiah would take the trip or if he could actually climb aboard some of these smaller planes. But he did and I am forever grateful. After the first flight, I asked him “would like to do this again?'' He said, “I only want to fly!” And we never had to drive there again.
If there are any pilots out there who need to get in some hours flying, please check out Angel Flight. God used them to make some terrific memories and save me from some horrific ones driving.
One of the issues we had to overcome each time he flew was climbing into the planes. His left leg was not flexible, his left hand not very useful, and he had gained a lot of weight in just a few months. So carrying and lifting him wasn’t as easy as it would have been prior to the steroids. But we were always able to fit. Some planes were easier than others but we got in and out without one incident.
Grateful
The weight gain was extremely difficult for him. I think he could hide the struggle of his arm and leg but he could not hide his weight. There were more than a few meltdowns later on in his journey about the way he looked. It still breaks my heart remembering those instances. There was a time he screamed, “I look like a monster!” I wanted to scream back but I would never have the right words to say. I wanted so desperately to make it all go away. It wasn’t like it was his “fault”. He didn’t just sit back, eat ice cream and lay around. Heck, he swam all summer!
His stretch marks still haunt me. A nine year old, who was born with a six pack washboard stomach was going to be forever scared. But that he would live, I prayed and prayed.
Now he had rough times. But he also would blow me away with his positivity. He even wanted a picture taken (see below) so that he would remember how far he came when he got better.
August 23, 2015
His attitude is still amazing. Let me give you a quick example. We were walking back to our hotel room after dinner and he spotted a penny. He dropped my hand and went to pick it up. Now, if you haven’t seen Josiah, he has gained quite a bit of weight with the steroids. So with the extra pounds, messed up balance, severe weakness in his left leg… squatting down to get a penny was an adventure. After missing the penny with a few quick jabs, he groaned and looked at me with a bit of fear in his eyes.
I quickly grabbed his hand and pulled him up. I was a little worried about how he would take the failure of such a simple task that most any 9 year old can do without thinking. As he caught his breath, he answered my concern with gut busting laughter. He couldn’t stop giggling at himself. The sound of his laughter is one of the sweetest sounds you’ll ever hear.
So when he calmed down, he noted that he should probably wait to do that again after he has lost a few pounds. I just smiled and thanked God for such an amazing son.
Attitude. Perseverance. Grit.
Where did his strength come from? I believe it was from many places. God answering the prayers of many. Josiah imitating the positive attitude from his family. Josiah being encouraged by his friends at school. A trust that God would do His part as Josiah would do his… I prayed that prayer of trust with him often.
I still shed tears thinking how God has done His part… not the way we were praying.
I still believe that a right attitude comes anchored in an expectation of God being for us and not against us. He is the good shepherd who watches over us and knows how to keep us. We do not know our surroundings… especially when we think we do. We do not know where the wolves lie in wait. We think we know where life (family, friends, and careers) are going. But do we really? How much power to we have to control much of anything?
A right attitude is not based on “positivity”... everything will be good. The attitude based in trusting God gives us perseverance to push through the tough times. The attitude rooted in Him and not our circumstances gives us perseverance that produces a grit that becomes a part of our character. We trust that we are in the hands of a God who loves and leads us where we need to go.
Will you trust His way or your understanding? Will you acknowledge His guidance or go on your own path? Do you trust Him with everything and everyone with all your heart?
I remember the weight of my boy. I remember his struggles with his weight. I remember my struggles with Josiah’s sufferings. But our good shepherd bears the weight of glory, He is worthy to follow. Do you trust Him?
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