Happy Holidays
“Celebration is more than a distraction. Life is precious, beautiful and full of meaning. ”
How do you navigate the happiest time of the year when you have a child who is seriously ill?
You embrace the moments, the good and the bad. There is no way to “balance” the reality of the struggle with the joy of the season. The highs are higher. The lows are lower. You will see the excitement in his/her eyes. You will see the frustration trying to undermine the celebration.
The mixed bag of emotions is unique as the season is so special. Reality will complicate holidays. You cannot unpack or unwind the complications. Embrace who is there and continue to pray for the changes you hope for.
The following is a portion of a post after the holiday season:
January 8, 2016
We all had a good break. It was nice to stop and spend time with family and friends. It was also great to have the margin to spend quantity time with my other two children as well. The kids were grateful and joyful, as they received their gifts. Josiah asked for a lot of video games. He can’t play them and they are stacked next to the console. They are part of his motivation, “When I get better and can use both hands, I can’t wait to play”. But he has learned to play his favorite game (Plants vs. Zombies) with one hand. He has preordered the new version coming out in February. We are literally counting down the days until its release. Seriously, daily.
Josiah’s emotional state is pretty good. He has his moments (don’t we all), but those moments are intense. Continue to pray for him at night as he is tired and weak physically which leads to be more susceptible to bouts of anger. Plus pray that he is able to have a good appetite. The problem is magnified on an empty stomach.
One of the issues he is struggling with is loneliness. He had a great time over break with his cousins, but he was seldom included with their activities. So he actually used the word “lonely” even in the midst of the Christmas chaos. It was not the cousins or family’s fault. Josiah just can not run around the house, woods, or creek like the others. So I often found him watching YouTube videos of the games he plans on playing once he feels better. (Sigh)
This time of year is still difficult for me. Thanksgiving, Josiah’s birthday, Christmas and the New Year are times of celebration. I enjoy them. I believe that celebration is an essential piece of life. Parties, gathering family, and gift exchanges are welcome additions to day to day living. But they are less joyous because the absence of our loved one is just more obvious. These days are shorter and the darkness tries to overwhelm.
The solution begins by owning the problem. A child should not get cancer. A child should be healthy. A child should not die. The problem is a reality. Reality will not change until everything is changed.
Until then, always embrace any excuse to legitimately celebrate anything. You don’t want to celebrate Monday mornings. No one likes Monday mornings. Be realistic in what you celebrate. It takes energy to really get to joy on these days. So make sure it is really an event you can get behind. The holiday season is something worthy to spend your energy reserves on.
Celebration is more than a distraction. Life is precious, beautiful and full of meaning. Celebrating the holidays allows us to focus on life in unique ways. Thanksgiving is where we look inward and outward to be grateful to the One who gives good things. Christmas is when we remember the greatest gift of all as God became a baby to free us all from life’s bondages. Even the New Year, we celebrate new opportunities and chances to create new future possibilities. When the whole family can get their hearts and minds off the problems of the specific and tune into some joys from the holiday, you win. Invest in the season: decorate, buy presents, and turn on the holiday classics.
This is the time to focus your attention over all of the family. Your family probably feels a twinge of guilt absorbing the attention when it has been so focused on your sick one. Your family “should” not feel bad for the joy experienced but it is just another issue for them to struggle. In a season of celebration, family members need you to pour your heart out on everyone. Plus your sick one may enjoy “finally” being able to give to the rest of the family. So for little ones, PLEASE help them but don’t DO it for them.
This special time of year will not feel the same during the struggle. It may never feel the same. So please enjoy what you have because life will change.
I struggle having the joy I used to have celebrating with my family. I realize that change has happened to us all. My children and my siblings' children are all five years older. The way we see the holidays has changed because we all have changed. You can’t stop the world like a snapshot.
My prayer is to be present in today’s struggle. Loving the ones who are with you and bringing them as close as possible. Stop down with our nation who stops down for Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year. Celebrate with those who celebrate.
For me, I will have times of mourning in the midst of each holiday. His void is tangibly felt during these times, but I will celebrate and choose to embrace the joy as well.
I will also remember Josiah on his birthday, December 3. I will mourn our loss. It is a good day to lament what should never be: a memory rather than a party on his birthday.
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