Lament — Dr. Nace Lanier

What does it mean to empty your sorrows, without a filter, to God who seems absent? The God you know, if He were really in the situation, would be making things different. Life would be better.

Lament.

When you lament, you own the current truth you feel and release the truth to the God you know to be present but cannot feel. You pray to the God who could have kept things from happening but did not. You pray to God but choose not to give Him excuses.

Lament is the prayer that pours forth from brokenness. It does not need to be theologically “correct”. No need to cross reference and fact check. Lament is right and good because it is truth from the heart who is seeking after God. Prayer that expresses disappointment with the Almighty is worthy and holy.

Many times a lament can just seem like a complaint. Why is this happening? Why does the pain continue? When will it be over? How could You let this happen?!?

The following is a blog post that ends in lament. Josiah continues in his treatment but with little signs of improvement. Why does a little boy have to suffer so?

October 18, 2015

"It is often said that you will be happier if your expectations are lower,” Dr. Robb Rutledge, the senior research associate at University College London (UCL) who led the study (HERE), said in a statement. “We find that there is some truth to this: Lower expectations make it more likely that an outcome will exceed those expectations and have a positive impact on happiness.”
Josiah is an amazing boy. He has gone through so many exams, radiation treatments, steroid pills, shots, and blood draws. He has been fitted multiple times for leg brace with different doctors and technicians, but still does not have a brace that works. He has gained over 45 lbs in 5 months. Think about that… he weighs 80% more today than in May. Both his thighs and calves are nearly covered in stretch marks. All of this has happened to my 9 year old boy and he has never once complained. I never expected him to handle all of this so well.
But this past week, he started questioning. He has never talked about getting better. We’ve encouraged him to follow through with what he needed to do at the time and trust God. He has been a trooper. Such as when the plastic head gear made his face a waffle cone because the steroids made his face swell too large for the equipment, he never complained. Every time for weeks his face would look like a waffle cone. But when it started bruising his nose, we stepped in and asked if they could do something. He just took the pain. See you tomorrow.
What has changed? Why is he questioning now? Basketball season. We’ve had a few emotional situations as he sees the improbability of being able to play this winter. I talked to him about coaching with me instead of playing when I signed up Ella and Becket. He considered it but just wanted to play. See, he expected to be better by now.
Josiah has talked about the fact that the Pittsburgh doctor said that he sees the most improvement after this upcoming vaccine treatment (October 25th). In Josiah’s mind and what he told me is that he expects to be able to run up and down the court by the end of November. He said that he doesn’t use his left hand to dribble much anyway so that will be OK. And I don’t blame him one bit!
I took him to Children’s National on April 19th six months ago. Do you know how long six months is to a nine year old? FOREVER! And he has not once complained. So amazing. So he should think he would be better by now. How do you not set some expectations?

I told him that if he got better that quickly I would make sure he would be on a team. I want him to continue to push himself. I reminded him of how many people are praying for him and that God can do all things… even get him on a basketball team. He turned to me and looked deeply in my eyes. His bottom lip started to quiver and his eyes began to quickly fill up with tears. “Daddy, I know God can. I just don’t understand why it’s taking Him so long.” Then he quickly motioned me to embrace him with his one good arm.
We cried. Heck, I’m crying now.
I told him I have no idea why it’s taking so long. I have no idea why any of this happened to him in the first place. But I reminded him that God is good. We can trust in Him.
I refuse to lower my expectations on our God. He can heal and I believe that He is healing my boy. I cannot completely drive out the fear of the 95% probability that he will not get better. But I believe in our God. I am not special. I don’t deserve God to bless and heal my son. But God is good. And I will always proclaim that truth. May the praises that echo throughout eternity include the miracle healing of Josiah. May he run the court this season. May he smile at me again as he makes a shot. May he grow old and never tire of telling others of the power of God to save a life because of His love.
The great King David sings it best in Psalm 13:
How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the LORD’s praise,
for he has been good to me.
How much longer will Josiah be on steroids? How much longer will Josiah be on the vaccine? When will we see Josiah run again? When will he play basketball again?
But we will trust in His never failing love. We will praise Him in all the questions, in all the pain and in the silence of the in-between for He alone is good.

What were the answers to my prayers?

How long on steroids? Until he was put on hospice.

How much longer on the vaccine? Leap day, about four months from the above post.

When will he run or play basketball? I still do not know. He never ran again. He never played basketball again. But one day he will rise again with a whole, complete body. A resurrected body. He will do more than run or play basketball.

Josiah now sings of the power and love of God forever. What else? Not 100% sure. But it will be good. For He is good. And like Genesis 1 teaches us, His creation is good. When He recreates, like the Revelation teaches us, it will be more than good again.

Until that day, we still choose to honor God “in all the questions, in all the pain and in the silence of the in-between.” We lament in lifting up our broken hearts, plans, and dreams to our Creator. He hears them. He is making all things new. Let us wait with expectation on Him who alone is good. Lord, take our hearts and make them new.