Loved
“Receive the love of others. Reveal your needs especially the ‘trivial’ ones. Why? Because everything seems trivial when you are powerless and helpless to fix what is broken.”
looking back
We were loved. Josiah was loved. We all knew we were loved.
I remember many times I felt powerless and helpless to do thing I wanted to do: save my son from pediatric cancer. When this truth of feeling, thought and reality came over me, I felt alone. I would feel a million miles away from anyone, even though I might be walking through a crowded airport or sitting on my couch twenty feet from my sleeping children.
Reality was not matching my emotions. I was tempted to believe I was powerless to overcome my loneliness. The aches and pains were tangible. The emotions wreaked havoc on my physical body.
I had (and still have) a choice to make. Allow my feelings to win, or fight to align my feelings with reality. What was true?
I could not save Josiah. But I had to take steps to try. I could not fix his brain. But I could comfort his heart and remind him of the love that surrounded him.
I needed to be reminded of the love that surrounded us. When I caught my feelings, took account of my thoughts, I reflected on the truth. We were loved. We were not alone.
Let me describe ways we were loved through the first few months of Josiah’s Journey:
May 4, 2015 — church work day
My friends could not take away my fears. But they took care of literal frustrations.
“Thank you all who came over to the house yesterday. We had some friends from Burke Community Church and a neighbor do some great things. One of the more noticeable ones is that the huge bushes are gone from my front yard. The overgrown juniper bushes created an alley up the steps which looked nice. But now with Josiah not being as sure on his feet, they needed to go so that if he fell, I could spot him.
That was just one of many projects. Thank you all for your expertise and brute force. My mind has a few less things to consider. Whenever I stress (like writing a paper or preparing a talk), I first order/clean my environment (office, kitchen, house) before I tackle my task. Therefore, getting these projects completed were huge to allow me to focus on my son. We are truly loved and cared for. Thank you!”
One of the many images that stuck in my mind was a friend who was very high up in the government. He led many people, and oversaw a billion-dollar budget. But he, himself, was in my backyard. His face was completely red and covered in brick dust. He finished a large project for me. These men made my home safer for my family. They gave up their Saturday to make my life easier and less stressful. We were loved.
Our elementary school, the PTA and neighbors came together to love on us.
May 29, 2015 — school fundraiser
“We cannot thank the vast amounts of people enough who put on the (Click for the ABC interview) Cardinal Forest Walk for Josiah on Friday. We are all amazed at the number of volunteers who stepped up to make this event one of the most memorable times in our lives. So many people from the school, PTA, Burke Community Church, and neighbors sacrificed their time, money, and sweat for my son. So, so grateful.
One of my favorite memories was walking up to the school and seeing Josiah’s 1st, 2nd, and 3rd grade teachers all together. I don’t believe two of them work at the school currently but they came after teaching all week at their own schools to do the walk. How blessed has Josiah been with these fantastic teachers! The care that he has received by their words and actions is phenomenal.
Some unknown brave soul was dressed up in a cardinal costume. It wasn’t Texas or Mississippi hot, but it was a hot day. He or she pranced around bringing much joy to the young ones. Then he or she flew down the parking lot and got the walk started. So grateful.
Becket and I took the lead walking down Forrester. Every once and awhile, I turned around to see the seemingly endless crowd swarming down the sidewalk behind us. So many people I have never seen. So many people happy to be standing with my son facing this menace of cancer. So grateful.”
And how about friends I have not seen since high school? Yep! Love.
May 31, 2015 — soccer game fundraiser
We traveled to my hometown of Salem, Virginia.
“Josiah’s Journey was the theme of this year’s Salem High School soccer alumni game on June 6th. So many people went above and beyond to create and sell T-shirts, concessions, and take donations. Many of my classmates or their parents (Mary Cross, for example) went to different businesses to sponsor the event.
I had a great time running around with a few other 40+ fellas on the soccer field. The young stars out there treated us fairly and kept the laughter down to a minimum. The game was broken down to those who graduated in even years or odd years. Needless to say, the great odd year graduates pulled out a thrilling 3-2 win. (Yes, I graduated in an odd year.)
My children have been so well loved over these past few weeks. It is wonderful to be cared for in such tangible and real ways. Thank you for doing what you can when you can. What else can anyone ask?
Rah Rah for Salem Salem!”
learn to receive
Believe me. When you are staring down life’s darkest holes, you have no idea what you need. You have no idea what to do. It was tough to answer the well meaning, extremely sincere question, “What can I do?” My first thought was always, “NOTHING! You cannot heal my son. Only God can. So keep praying!” But I pushed that thought to a side quicker than it took you to read it. Because in my neighbor’s eyes I saw the same desperation that was in my heart. So I said “Yes.”
To make it through the darkness, you need others living in the light. You need to be surrounded by people who aren’t struggling to get out of bed like you do. You need to hear a voice that is not the one echoing in your own head. You need to accept the love of others.
Receive their love. Reveal your needs especially the “trivial” ones. Why? Because everything seems trivial when you are powerless and helpless to fix what is broken.
You won’t know how you’ll feel when they buy ink for your printer. You won’t know how you’ll feel receiving a new sump pump. Why? You won’t know and can’t understand what is going on. So trust God. And trust those who are His hands and feet.
May 5, 2015 — devotion
The day after my friends worked on my house, I journaled and pulled out a new poster board.
“Sunday morning we went over one of my ‘life’ verses: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not unto your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths. —Proverbs 3:5-6
It was fun hearing from Josiah what this wisdom saying meant to him: ‘Have faith in God and He will show us what to do.’ Truth.
We are to have full confidence in the Lord of the universe. He loves us and cares for us. The way He loves and nurtures us does not always make sense...no matter how old or smart you are. Therefore many times we cannot simply think or do what is logical to understand God’s plans. Instead, we pray. Telling Him we trust He is in control and using all everything in this world to love all of us. Then we take each step trusting, not in reason or logic, but in God to show us where to place each foot.
We thank God that He loves Josiah. He loves him more than I can know what love is. Josiah recently prayed acknowledging his faith in Jesus. He is considering getting baptized. Neither of those things make God love Him more. But I believe Josiah is learning to trust and love God on a whole new level. I know I am.”
One of the ways we know the love of God is by embracing His love through the love of others. Be strong and courageous. Let someone love you in the darkness. It will seem small at the time but it will give you more strength than you can fathom.
Related: Hello, Brain Surgery | Fear Not